April | 30th Board Meeting

It finally happened. I have finally been attacked not only by a horse-sized duck but by ten duck-sized horses as well; and all in the same month. Although I have been able to (barely) survive both encounters, I can now confidently say that I may have underestimated the fierceness of duck-sized horses. These vicious creatures would stop at nothing to put me down, no matter how fast I ran or how hard I kicked, there was no escape. I can count myself lucky as a nice Dutch student distracted these beasts with their mini-carrot snacks and I was freed. The duck came after me a few days later, on a rainy day. It seemed like a regular Tuesday when I was surprised by this monstrosity on my way back home, a towering mass of feathers and pure anger. I will not recount here the details of this fight, but they have become engraved in my flesh through horrendous scars.I can say I am lucky to see another day. I hope it stays that way.

Javier

Hi everyone, I’d like to start this month’s monthly update by confessing a recent discovery. In my last almost 6 years of being gay, I never imagined being something different. Some happenings in my personal life have made me reconsider my sexuality. For the first time ever in my life, I watched Magic Mike, and I think I’ve made a huge mistake. The broad shoulders and abs and of course, the hot dance routine, all woven into a story line of bravery and utter realness have made me think that I might like men after all. I don’t quite know how to tell my girlfriend this yet, since she deserves to know the real me, but I’m not going to tell her unless I know for sure whether or not I want to explore the Y chromosome a bit more. In any case, I’ll keep you guys updated, aka see you in May. Wish me luck!

Laura

/\___/\꒰ ˶• ༝ – ˶꒱./づᡕᠵ᠊ᡃ࡚ࠢ࠘ ⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊°.~♡︎ /\___/\꒰ ˶• ༝ – ˶꒱./づᡕᠵ᠊ᡃ࡚ࠢ࠘ ⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊°.~♡︎ /\___/\꒰ ˶• ༝ – ˶꒱./づᡕᠵ᠊ᡃ࡚ࠢ࠘ ⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊°.~♡︎ /\___/\꒰ ˶• ༝ – ˶꒱./づᡕᠵ᠊ᡃ࡚ࠢ࠘ ⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊°.~♡︎

Amadiez

This month was a weird one like always. It started with a rabbitnthat fell down thenstairs. One thing youshould know about me, I don’t have a pet rabbit.So my month started with a quest to find the ownerof the pet. it took me weeks to find its name. Apparently, it had a tattoo on hisskin: “Dog,” it said. So I proceeded to call the rabbit by its name, Dog. Dog and I were walking around, and I was getting some weird looks. I was just taking him for a walk, so nothing out of the ordinary. Some old lady came up to me and asked what I was doing. I responded with: I’m just letting out Dog. She was looking at me like I had said something crazy and threatened me if I fooled her like that again. So I walked along and went to the pet store to buy some stuff for Dog. I asked if they had some food for Dog, but they said that they don’t sell dog food. This was so weird to me as I just wanted some food for Dog and not dog food. Anyways, that same day, as I was walking out of the store, I let go of Dogs leash for 1 second and he jumped in front of a car. I started crying and screaming at the driver that he killed Dog, but the driver looked at me as if I was crazy. So then when I sat down, the helpers finally came with my vitamins. I was feeling so calm again as they escorted me back to my room. My room is pretty nice. It has 4 walls, a door that won’t open, and I always have my friend Rob with me. Rob never leaves my side like Dog. Rob is nice. I wished others were like Rob. When I tell the helpers about Rob, they tell me that he doesn’t exist, but I always talk with him, play with him. He never leaves my side. For some reason no-one knows Rob while I have tried to introduce him for many times. Hahaha its as if he doesn’t exist. But that must be the other people being assholes. Anyway, this is what I have done in my month. I hope to soon get out of this place tho, I’ve been here for way too long. The helpers tell me that they will release me soon but soon never comes. Soon never comes. Soon never comes. Soon never comes. Soon never comes. Soon never comes. Soon never comes.

See you all next time,

Burak

Oh hey there, Monthly Update! Are you ready for the madness that was my month of March? Buckle up, because it’s gonna get wild!First off, I met with our new sponsor, Pornhub, to discuss how we could film content dedicated to people with frog fantasies. We concluded that the Board would record a Boargie, with frog costumes in a pond. Looking forward to that! Keep posted for green sextoys release. And in a truly bizarre turn of events, I attended a meeting with a group of BDSM amateurs who were looking to start their own association. We decided to collaborate on our Berlin trip, a city well-known for its vibrant BDSM scene. Who knows what’s in store for us?Of course, we also had our regular board duties, like attending meetings and events. We hosted a “worshiping Satan party” where everyone showed up in their favorite Pentagram related costumes. It was very fun!Phew, what a month! I can’t wait to see what kind of shenanigans April will bring. Stay tuned for more absurdity!

Alicia